Not a Cheery Homeschool Post

It's been a rough couple of weeks, emotionally.  Last Friday, I had a second sonogram because the doctor thought there was an outside chance that there was a a second pregnancy.  There wasn't, which is actually good news because if there had been, it likely would have been outside the womb (chance of survival = 0%).  The first baby hadn't changed.

We were nearing 4 weeks since the baby had died and my OB was getting nervous.  We were headed towards surgery, not a happy thought for me.  We decided to try medication last night, and thankfully, the miscarriage has started to complete naturally.

We've named the baby Mary Pascha.  Pascha means Easter, and her whole life spanned the Easter season almost exactly.  It's difficult to explain because I have been sadder, I think, than I have ever been with the death of this child, but I also have tremendous joy when I think of her.  She is not really separate from me.  She is with God and God is with me. 

I think the sadness has been more prolonged because of the strange circumstance: I was pregnant for long after the baby had died.  Does that still count as pregnancy? I didn't know what to call it. Time on the cross, maybe.

It's easier now that my body is finally letting go.  I think now I can start to let go of the sadness and, eventually, what will remain is Easter joy.